Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Enjoy the penises
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
