Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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