I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
