Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
