The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
