I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
