i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
