adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
