I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
