been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
