Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The uberlube is also flammable
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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