Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
