While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
