He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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