Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
