filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize