The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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