hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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