maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
