and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
