her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
