Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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