erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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