Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize