Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
