This dress was meant to end up on your floor
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
