My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
