My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
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I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
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Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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