He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
