She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
