im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
