somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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