I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize