I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
