He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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