mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
