I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
