Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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