I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
