who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
