Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize