Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
