What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
