nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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