WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
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She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
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Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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