lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
