Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
