Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I need a beard to bite.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
