He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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