Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
