Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i think my cat just said my name.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
