We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
