Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
