mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
