If i come over, it means nothing
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
