Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
