my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
