i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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