R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
