i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
