her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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