Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize