did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
