omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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