Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
