You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
