I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
