Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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